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010 THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
001. How could you betray us like that?
002. NO RANDOM LADIES THIS TIME AROUND, KTHXBAI.
003. I'm fine, really.
004. Stop sheltering me.
005. When are you going to take me to Borders?
006. Why can't you understand that I don't want to see you?
007. Leave my mom alone.
008. Family is so important. Just forgive her mistakes.
009. Stop being such a bitch.
010. I love you.
009 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.
001. Inside my head, I am a bitch. I just don't say or do the things that makes me one.
002. I don't know what I'd do without RiH.
003. I'm a writer. All the way.
004. I can survive without ever seeing anyone. I'm not exactly social, obviously.
005. I adore observing different people.
006. I'm a christian.
007. No one really gets me. Except maybe Pastor Chuck.
008. I am apparently mature for my age.
009. I love people, but I'm antisocial.
008 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART.
001. Be nice. Not a bitch.
002. Don't call me cranky. Especially if I am.
003. Prove that you're worth it.
004. Find your way to my heart.
005. Like the same people I like.
006. Have some of the same morals and beliefs.
007. Dislike the same people I dislike.
008. Don't be a bastard, bitch, asshole, two-faced, son of a bitch, etc.
007 THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT.
001. I should drink something.
002. Something involving RiH.
003. I should make my bed.
004. I'm cold.
005. I should make my bed.
006. Oh shit, fuck, damn, etc.
007. Either 'omg' or 'omfg' or 'wtfuck'.
006 THINGS I DO BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP.
001. Blow out any and all candles still going.
002. Turn of laptops or blacken the screen,
003.Make sure volume on laptop is either muted or turned down really low.
004. Turn off all lights.
005. Snuggle.
006. Dream.
005 PEOPLE WHO MEAN A LOT.
001. Allex.
002. Clara, Sarah, Erin, Danielle, Rachel... It goes on and on.
003. Joey, mom, dad, Patty, Amy, Jess, Cheri, Zac, Alex.
004. RiH: Lissy, Pax, Elle... That DEFINITELY goes on.
005. Myself.
004 THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW.
001. Plaid pajama pants.
002. Gray tank.
003. Bra & panties.
004. & again -- glasses.
003 SONGS I LISTEN TO OFTEN.
001. A few of the Cabaret songs.
002. The Kellie Pickler & Josh Turner songs on this laptop.
003. AVPM soundtrack.
002 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
001. Have a child.
002. Love someone deeply and be loved back.
001 CONFESSION.
001. I'm fine about where I am in life right now. I promise.
- Location:lalaland.
Earlier today, I was asked to describe myself. I don't know if anyone else has the same difficulty I had in trying to come up with a somewhat suitable answer to that. I just know that I did. I mean, really, how are you supposed to answer that? Who are you, really? What are you doing, what are you here for, and tell me about yourself. I can't say that. I don't know who I am. I am a writer, surely, a role player and a friend and a daughter and grandaughter; cousin, sister, neice, great niece, aunt, sister-in-law. I am all of these things for sure. And yet, who am I inside? I don't know the answer to this question. I could tell you that I love writing and role playing, and I want to be an editor. I could tell you my favorite color is currently bright green, though whether or not I really like it or it's just popular I couldn't actually say. I could tell you that I don't have a favorite book or a favorite movie, or a favorite quote or song. Sure, there are books that I remember and ones that I don't, movies that I adore and would watch again if given the chance and ones I wouldn't put myself through again. Songs that I can still remember the lyrics to and ones that I didn't bother to listen to the entire way through. That does not mean I have a favorite in any of those, because I don't. I watch what I'm watching, read what I'm reading, and listen to what I'm listening to. Normally, I don't care, as long as I'm watching or reading or listening to it. At least it's something, despite whether I like it or not. Or perhaps I just like everything. That aside, I could tell you that I had knee surgery on both of my knees for a thing called plica syndrome. I could tell you what it was, but I doubt that you'd care about it. Who cares about the whys or the hows when you already know the ending? The thing is, when I don't move my legs for a little bit, they get stiff and straightening them out is hell for my knees. I could tell you that I prefer to sleep with tons of pillows, despite the fact that I rarely actually use more than two of them. Big things that most people consider catastrophic barely have any affect on me at all. Moving? Big deal. He's moving out, she's dying, we're moving into his house, she's pregnant. Alright. That's fantastic. People apparently have a hard time accepting that little quirk in my personality. My dad doesn't believe that I'm alright and neither does anyone in my family. Well, my mom might believe it most of the time, but she has her doubts sometimes. I'm pretty sure the only person who gets me is my pastor. On the first time -- and only, may I add -- that we met at this food place to talk, he understood. I'm pretty sure that my dad worried him about me and so he felt the need to talk to me and tell it was all okay. But the thing was, I'm pretty sure I surprised the shit out of him when he realized that I didn't care that my grandpa and uncle had been moved, or that I was moving, or that my mom had lost the house. He was the only person who understood that despite the fact that everything was happening to me and so quickly, I didn't hate my mom. I understood why she did what she did. At that same time, I understood why my aunts and uncles had suddenly turned on her, why suddenly people who were supposed to love her were giving her the cold shoulder. I understood completely both sides of the story, but that didn't mean I would give up my mom or anyone else. Only my pastor and my mom ever bothered to ask how I felt about it, straight out. My mom because she loves me and needed to know, and my pastor because he cares. For some reason, he's the only person who realized that I was okay with eveything that was going on and that I wasn't about to kill myself or hate anyone. I pitied people and I couldn't stand how people were acting, but that didn't mean that I was about to turn my back on anyone, no matter who had done so to me. I understood my mom's reasons for doing what she did, and I understood my family's reasons for doing what they had done. Neither had been right, and neither had been wrong, but turning away from someone you're supposed to always be near is never what I considered a family should do. And look at me. This is me. I like the color green, I can't run though I love it, I read all the time, write all the time, talk to people I've never met before online, and I don't care about big things, and I love my pastor, and I'm a christian despite how much of a bitch I can be inside my mind. And I take things in stride. I'm proud of it and who I am, and I hopefully always will be.
- Mood:
complacent - Music:something country.
- Location:northeast.
- Mood:
chipper - Music:cabaretttt.
What are your feelings towards smoking? What rights do you think smokers and non-smokers should have? Submitted By |
I once saw some picture online a long time ago that said something along the lines of: your right to smoke stops when it interferes with my right to breathe. I come from a line of smokers. My grandfather, my mother, two of my three uncles. All on my mom's side of the family. They did not grow up with the knowledge I have now, and so I cannot complain about their smoking habits. My mom knows enough about how I feel about her smoking habits to stay away from me when she is smoking. I can barely tolerate smoking, and I know perfectly well that if I didn't live around smokers, I'd totally abhor it. The smell of it is intoxicating, and not in a good way. The fact that they are all shortening not only their own short lives but my own infuriates me frequently. Smokers, in my opinion, should not be able to smoke in public places at all. In the privacy of their own cars, their own houses, fine. Whatever. It's your choice if you want to infect your children and your family and friends when they are with you in private. But being able to infect other people, people you don't know, via smoking should not be allowed. Smoking will never be illegalized until no one is addicted to the drug. There is no doubt in my mind about that. That doesn't change my opinion on it though, and I know that I will not be able to stand smoking myself, or dating or marrying anyone who smokes.
- Location:painville.
- Mood:
blah - Music:dancedance
If you could keep only one of your five senses--taste, touch, smell, sight, or hearing--which would you choose and why? Submitted By |
Well... Let's see what I wouldn't need to keep for some reason or another. Hearing wouldn't matter all that much. There are other ways to understand someone. A hinderance indeed, but not impossible. I could also learn to lip read if I really needed to. So hearing isn't needed. Though without taste, I would lack an amazing gift from God... I'd be able to eat anything. The taste of it would not matter to me, as it would all taste the same: nothing. Smell would be the same exact way as taste. All my favorite smells would be gone. The smell of newly washed laundry, of car gasoline -- no matter how deadly -- or of the beach, of a newly mowed lawn. I wouldn't be able to smell my lovely smells, but I wouldn't be able to smell the things I hate, either. Smoke, death, blood... That leaves me with sight and touch. I can't imagine being able to see everything without being able to touch anything, but I also cannot imagine being able to touch everything without being able to see anything. It would be the very worst torture, especially as I am already used to being able to do both. Torture on the deepest level. I wouldn't be able to understand anything, and I also wouldn't be able to live like that.
- Location:happy land
- Mood:
tired - Music:meoww.
As soon as I saw this particular question, I knew right away what my answer would be: nanowrimo. Being able to write a --admitedly short-- novel in thirty days is an amazing accomplishment. Knowing that I managed to do it is phenomenal. I was able to overcome school, family, friends... Even Thanksgiving! I managed to overcome everything to write a novel, something extraordinary in more than one way. I am so proud of myself for doing so.
- Location:smelly couch
- Mood: complacent
- Music:HGTV!
I should probably care about the fact that Brett and I just broke up. Do I? Not really. It wasn't meant to be. I went right from breaking up with him to grinning like mad with Clara. Oh well. If I hurt him, I didn't mean to. But, it's better off this way. For me, anyway, and besides; we're fourteen. We have plenty of time. He'll find someone else. Trust me. And me? I'm content. But, if someone comes along... Hey, I'm up for it. I've never been against it, after all, though I do believe that I liked him in the beginning. Not in the end though. Definitely not in the end. Oh well.
- Location:in someone's pants. ;D
- Mood:
crazy - Music:young love, celtic thunder. how ironic.
So, obviously, no one that I actually know has one of these snazzy journals. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, but, it works out for me either way. I am terrified of my surgeries. Absolutely frightened. Not a good thing. I'm tired of telling everyone that I don't care about it because I do. Allex is one of the few others who know just how scared shitless I am. It's supposed to be a fast surgery, a widely successful surgery. I don't think it's normal to be scared of something that has a one percent chance or less of anything going wrong. The only caution they have is if I really have plica. The doctor seems pretty convinced. Am I? Not really, but, I'm working on it. Sort of. Allex says she'll come with me during the first surgery and sit in recovery with me. I don't think she knows how much it means to me, her coming and sitting around with me for hours and dealing with my frayed nerves, along with my mom. When Joey was in the hospital, I envied the attention he got from everyone. Now, I wish to the sky that I didn't have to go through the same thing he does... Well, I'm not going to be in the hospital for days upon days. Just a few hours, two seperate days. But, still. Gosh, I'm such a selfish bitch. I can't help it. At least I realize it.
- Location:happy place, happy place, happy place...
- Mood:
scared - Music:stand, rascal flatts.
010 THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
001. DAMNIT, WOULD YOU GO AWAY? I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
002. Comment. Now.
003. Get on AIM. I need to talk to you. Heart to heart.
004. We need to talk.
005. I think we should go to Old Navy. THEY ARE HAVING A SALE!
006. Can't we go to see HBP yet?
007. ... Get the hell out of my house.
008. Please. I need you. Don't leave me.
009. Can't we go sailing? I miss you. Please.
010. Stop playing those stupid games. You're wasting your life.
009 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.
001. I'm a writer, which apparently automatically makes me emo, eccentric, a bitch, weird, antisocial, and annoying. Oh, joy.
002. I'm all for my friends. I'm shy and self-concious around people I don't know, but...
003. I honestly don't have anyone. No. Really.
004. I am currently carrying around a notebook. Everywhere. I just started.
005. Just because I have curly hair doesn't mean that I have to hate it. I actually love it now. Yeah. NOW.
006. I would die if I didn't have Allex.
007. I crave attention. Sorry. But I do. I shouldn't.
008. I am christain. If you have a problem with that, I don't want you in my life.
009. I'm jealous. I am. I shouldn't be.
008 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART.
001. Accept me.
002. Smile.
003. Talk to me.
004. Share your skittles with me.
005. Cry when I cry.
006. Hug me. Hold me.
007. Write. Automatic love.
008. Be smart. And laugh a lot. Put me at ease.
007 THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT.
001. Surgery? Terrifying.
002. I should reply on RiH.
003. I should write that down in my notebook!
004. Oh, shit, where's my phone?!
005. ... Ew, I don't like them.
006. God, forgive me. D:
007. xD No. Seriously. The letters x and d. To make that face.
006 THINGS I DO BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP.
001. Drink something.
002. Check RiH.
003. Pet a cat.
004. Clear my mind.
005. Turn off all the lights.
006. Pray.
005 PEOPLE WHO MEAN A LOT.
001. Allex.
002. Clara, Becca, Kenzie, Sam, Erin, Danielle, Tina... It goes on and on.
003. Joey, mom, dad, Patty, Amy, Jess, Cheri, Zac, Alex.
004. RiH: Lissy, Pax, Elle... That DEFINITELY goes on.
005. Myself.
004 THINGS I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW.
001. Random shorts.
002. White cami.
003. Name tag. Hah.
004. ... Uhm. GLASSES.
003 SONGS I LISTEN TO OFTEN.
001. All of the Casting Crowns songs.
002. More Beautiful You.
003. Everything else.
002 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE.
001. Live up to my standards. Finally.
002. Grow in my faith.
001 CONFESSION.
001. I'm trying to be who I want to be, but I don't know who that is all the time. I get confused, mixed up, lost. But I'm trying. I catch myself.
- Location:my happy place
- Mood:
drained - Music:it's on shuffle. my little girl, tim mcgraw
Oh, god, it is days like today that make me so happy and carefree. It's days like today I'll miss most in the world. Haha, so, of course, we had lovely food pantry. Normally rather boring, though we tend to make it fun on most days. Well, today, it decided to start pouring. I was in jeans, a cami (thankfully a dark blueish color), and flip flops. Allex, however, was in capri's, a white tee shirt (thankfully with a white cami underneath...?, and flip flops.) Now. That was fun. Anyone who has ever been in my church parking lot should know how shitty it is. Stones don't go well with bare feet, but flip flops don't go well with water. At all. So, lose lose situation. I was splashing everyone, jumping around... Everyone was laughing, dancing, being silly in the soppy rain as we carried the food to stranger's cars. We were all friends again, all renewed, refreshed. We all needed it, whether we will realize it or not. I know that I did. I'm thankful for the rain; it washes everything away.
I totally took a bath after I ate lunch. Haha, fun, right? I was in there for at least an hour. I think an hour and a half. Yeah. I washed my hair? That was pretty difficult. But I managed. And I listened to music via my MP3. Not smart, but, it worked. xD Why, yes, I am sitting here at my computer typing this out in a towel, my hair all up in a clip. stuf. <3
- Location:towel.
- Mood:
content - Music:keep the change, YOU FILTHY ANIMAL.
And, oh, five minutes after I got home? Our power goes out. I was like "... D;" And so I started stalking the window for the van to pull in. About thirty seconds later, the van pulls in the driveway. I was too excited to realize that the van was all smashed and broken. Lovely. My mom walks in, spitting out glass, and we're all spazzing. My uncle is looking over the dog, and our power is still out. My mom tells the amazing story of a tree fell on the van, smashing the front window. And then, a telephone pole fell down (probably dragged down by the first tree), smashing part of the roof, and then another tree fell, smashing in the other half of the roof. The van? omfg, scary. And the trees and telephone pole that fell? Huge. No, really. HUGE.
None of them were hurt, thankfully, but all I can remember is me sprawled out on the living room floor looking up at her talking to Terri (they managed to drive home, since it was just a little more, but the people who saw called 911. My mom was part of the firehall at that time, so, they all knew each other. Thankfully. xD) about the crash and how she was spitting out glass. Uhm. Yeah. That was the definitely the only power outage I remember so well.
- Location:my head. <3
- Music:HELLOOOOOO BROOKLYNN. ALL TIME LOW.
Just go to that site. And read about this decade. I love it. <3
ENOUGH SAID.
- Location:the sun, apparently.
- Mood:
hot - Music:next 5 minutes.
I wouldn't trade my life now for that freedom though. It's a thing of the past. I can't have my freedom like that anymore. No matter what, I have to recognize the pain and the work that needs to be done and taken care of. I know that I can stop and smell the roses, of course, but I need to keep going after I smell them. I can't linger for overly long. I have freedom... Just not in the same way or the same context... Or as much. But, I grew up. It's something that everyone has to do. Maybe I grew up too soon or too much, as I've been told frequently, but... I grew up. Now, I value my life and my friends and my family way more then I did as a child. I suppose that it's part of the process of maturing, but. Oh well.
- Location:the titanic.
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:i want to fall in love with you. <3
... HAHA, I TOTALLY FAIL AT POSTING. IT'S BEEN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH.
Why, no, I totally did not remember about this. At all. Hah, I'm a bad journal-er. Oh well, there isn't anything to talk about anyway. All I've done is write, watch movies, and talk to RiH. And Allex. xD
/lameeeeeee.
Oh well. Uhm. Lyrics?
It's time for letting go
All of our "if only's"
Cause we don't have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything
Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment
There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment
And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go
And listen to your heartbeat
And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment
And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now (here and now)
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle
Of the moment
- Location:the clouds !
- Mood: crazy
- Music:miracle of the MOMENTT.
mo·nog·a·my (mə-nŏg'ə-mē) n.
|
1. Well, I definitely believe in it, though it happens less times then it does, unfortunately.
2. A. Yes. It's probably only because I've grown up here rather than in egypt or something, but, my husband had better only have one wife- me. I couldn't stand having a husband married to even one other person. A husband and wife are supposed to be a couple; couples aren't part of another couple. It doesn't work that way, no matter how you look at it.
2. B. An entire lifetime? Honey, it's possible to love more then one person. Love can, unfortunately, die. I know that; a lot of people know that. Most divorces are because two people didn't love each other and rushed into marriage too early. I'm fairly sure that those people who divorced would like to marry someone else eventually. I'm all for being able to marry as many people as I'd like throughout my lifetime, as long as it's one at a time. But, yeah, I'd rather stick with one certain person whom I love.
3. ... /giggle. Yeah right. They're animals and they don't know any better. You have fun trying to tell them whether or not they should only be mating with one certain animal. I'm sure they'll listen. /eyeroll.
- Location:my lovely chair.
- Mood:
giggly - Music:voice of truth, casting crowns.
ie: i love you. <3
it just sounds so pretty when someone says it in french. it's so much prettier. i adore it. plus, french is just a much prettier language than english anyway. you know the worst way to say i love you? german. ich liebe dich. yeah. it sounds just as bad as it looks, love. which is kind of terrible. mr. burns pointed that out to me. he was an amazing teacher, and he's going on a pretty awesome retirement. not to west virginia, either! xD
- Location:everywhere.
- Mood: complacent
- Music:castles in the air, celtic thunder.
So, obviously, I've finally decided to put some time into making (another) blog for myself. This has to be my third or fourth one in just this past year, but I suppose it's understandable, considering what all happened to my last one. BUT ANYWAY, that was all in the past and I'm moving on.
Summer is finally here (and has been here...), and I don't like. It's nice to be able to finally have time to seriously devote to my site, but... I always miss school. Not so much the learning part so much as the fact that I like interaction. During the summer, I don't really get the interaction I crave. Which means I'm just sort of left hanging around my house all summer. Ergh. But, before, I used to not care enough to even try to change it. Now, it bothers me so much that I'm actually instigating dates with everyone. I have a Casting Crowns concert this Friday, and I'm going with my church and some of my friends. And my brother. /gasp AND MAYBE MY ALLEX BABY?
Anyway. xD For the past however many days, I've read and I've been writing. And fixing up RiH v.2 for Elle, since she is so impatient on getting the site started. Out of everyone who's seen it though [the admin and Allex], it's definitely loved already. Thankfully, since I like this site more than v.1 and I definitely hope this one goes further and stays more updated.
But, anyway, I'll actually keep this blog updated with information. I promise. <3
Have a lovely day now.
Summer is finally here (and has been here...), and I don't like. It's nice to be able to finally have time to seriously devote to my site, but... I always miss school. Not so much the learning part so much as the fact that I like interaction. During the summer, I don't really get the interaction I crave. Which means I'm just sort of left hanging around my house all summer. Ergh. But, before, I used to not care enough to even try to change it. Now, it bothers me so much that I'm actually instigating dates with everyone. I have a Casting Crowns concert this Friday, and I'm going with my church and some of my friends. And my brother. /gasp AND MAYBE MY ALLEX BABY?
Anyway. xD For the past however many days, I've read and I've been writing. And fixing up RiH v.2 for Elle, since she is so impatient on getting the site started. Out of everyone who's seen it though [the admin and Allex], it's definitely loved already. Thankfully, since I like this site more than v.1 and I definitely hope this one goes further and stays more updated.
But, anyway, I'll actually keep this blog updated with information. I promise. <3
Have a lovely day now.
- Location:the stars.
- Mood: complacent
- Music:every man, by casting crowns.
